i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
