My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We had to coat check the pizza.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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