Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
