Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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