used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
