if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think we might need a safe word for this...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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