we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
