There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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