The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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