I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
