i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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