I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize