Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Quick, to the slutcave!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
