i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
