Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The best revenge is premature balding
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
