Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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