I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
