there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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