I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
