and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I did not marry a roomba.
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