so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
