I'm really into asian looking animals
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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