Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
