Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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