just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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