So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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