I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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