just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
