He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
