I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
