The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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