I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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