Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
