i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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