Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
