Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
