and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
