There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
