I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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