New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
