I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
