Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
