i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
