my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
