New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
