you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
