People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
