I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
