so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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