dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
