quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
