Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
