Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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