@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
