This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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