Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize