why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
