Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
