My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
