she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
