you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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