where does the pee come out of this thing
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
