I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry about my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize