I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
