After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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